hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So squirting runs in the family.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
