currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
