Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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