i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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