Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
