She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
