no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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