Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
