I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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