She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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