Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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