you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
