Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
