I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
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Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
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As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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