After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
