Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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