Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
