listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
