I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave