just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
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what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
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I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?