i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
