dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
