I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?