Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
