Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
