he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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