good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When did angry sex become our thing?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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