i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
