So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
