I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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