There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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