By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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