Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
