I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
