I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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