what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
