spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
