Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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