I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
