By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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