You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
