yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
