She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
