if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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