I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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