it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
