you're like a bully in the Christmas story
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
