Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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