the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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