Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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