at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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