first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
