Nicole vs. Life
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
