You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
