DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just found puke in my bra..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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