Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
