Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
