I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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