Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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