I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
