you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
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Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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