We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
