she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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