Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
