dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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