she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
