I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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