I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
