You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
