i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
