sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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