im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
