just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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