I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
