she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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