Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
