As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
