My sheets look like a crime scene.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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