Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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