And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
