My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
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Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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