drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
