Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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