I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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